Today I used Google Maps to get an idea of which route to take to get to Sentosa as I wanted to go to the Aquarium.
I got a bus to Outram Park MRT which I recognised from my trip to VivoCity Mall yesterday. I used the Sentosa Express/Monorail yesterday, so today I wanted to go on the cable cars. Unfortunately it was undergoing maintenance, so instead I walked over the Boardwalk. This wasn’t very far at all and was made even easier by a number of travelators.
I purchased my ticket and entered the aquarium. I’m currently writing this sat on the floor looking at a massive tank full of all manner of fish. Peaceful music is being played and it’s really quite nice and mellow.
I feel quite relaxed, but most of the time I find I am in a slight state of panic or anxiety. I actually wonder now if that is how I tend to live my life and it’s my default setting.
I’ve constantly got an inner voice saying ‘have I done this or that’. I’m not used to being alone so much so I am probably more aware of these inner thoughts and I’m also in a different country where I’m bound to be a little uncertain. I did pat myself on the back this morning as I thought I’d got myself together and onto the bus etc., then I thought ‘oh did I put face cream on?’ and no I hadn’t. Not the end of the world by any means, but I could end up berating myself about that all day! Instead, I’ve brushed it aside and am focusing on the moment. Taking my time to look at the fish, stingrays and manta rays (which are magnificent).
I often worry about what other people think about me, but really most (if not all) of the time no one is worrying about you since everyone is so busy in their own lives. We can constantly be entertained or distracted these days by our smartphones, tablets etc.
So I’m currently spending lots of time alone and I have found at times that I do feel very alone. I can understand how people feel lonely. I’m used to being surrounded by people, but have put myself in a situation where I’m (1) alone, (2) in a foreign country and (3) I have to make all the decisions. I’d never taken a taxi on my own before, that I can recall at least. I’ve led a very sheltered life so for me to get on a flight for thirteen hours was quite a big deal. I rationalised it as I am well-travelled and normally do the organising when travelling. I had also flown back from America on my own before.
The flight to Singapore was a night flight and I’d booked an emergency exit seat so had plenty of legroom. My bags had to go into Business Class which was just a curtain away (shame it didn’t include me as Damon Hill was in there as it was coming up to Grand Prix weekend).
I’m able to sleep on planes quite well, so hope for the same when I fly back on Monday evening.
I’ve been using the Headspace app for a year because I wanted to try to combat my inner thoughts and take more control of my emotions. It certainly helps.
Arriving at Heathrow I could have got myself into a state, but instead I centred myself and just did one thing at a time. I’d done it many times before, albeit with others and I am normally ‘the boss’ as I said. I take the role of navigator and guide people around on holiday. The doing it ‘on my own’ part has been the major adjustment. I’ve had ups and downs on the trip, but it really can be about your mindset and how you think about things. Some nights I’ve tossed and turned and others I’ve slept well. Sleep, for me, is critical to feeling balanced, though it’s amazing how you can make do with less.
I’ll write more about my trip to Singapore in a future post, but if you are interested in travel, my friend has a blog where she shares her travels (as she goes away a lot with her job). There might be something on there that helps you. Check out travellingwithnikki.com.