1. I’ve had a lot of worries in my life, most of which have never happened #MarkTwain

    I’m currently getting ready to go on holiday (again, I know!), though this is tinged with sadness as it’s my ‘last’ holiday before I need to think about returning to the ‘real world’.  I know in the scheme of things that lots of people have much more to worry about than that, but it feels like a time of reflection is upon me.  Someone recently said to me that work really doesn’t matter, as I’ve got myself into a bit of a state when going to interviews.  I’m putting pressure on myself to achieve as I am competitive I think.  I’m getting better with my nerves, but it is like going into an exam where you only have one shot – however, equally there are lots of roles out there and the right one will come along.  I don’t like to fail or make mistakes though, but I also believe that things happen for a reason.  I also read recently that women are more likely to suffer from imposter syndrome and not apply for roles because they don’t tick most of the boxes, whereas men will go for roles even though they only have some of the skills asked for.

    As mentioned in previous posts, I tend to evaluate life in the lead up to Christmas, as I’m sure many of us do.  However, this year, I’m a little in limbo as to where I will be heading. I left my role at the end of March 2017, and have genuinely had a lovely time off.  I was blessed with beautiful weather for the most part, and had lots of time away.  I flew First Class home from New York which I’d always wanted to do, I’ve spent time on my own abroad (whilst staying with my friend in Singapore), I’ve sat in a field and watched the Queen go to Ascot (twice – as once just wasn’t enough!).  I’ve also rediscovered my love of swimming and want to spend some time improving my crawl in the future.  However, I also expected to achieve a lot more.  I’ve started writing a kids book, but I put this on the back-burner in favour of doing other things.  Though it’s not like I can’t write and work but, in my head, I thought I’d have plenty to time to write lots, and do other things too.  Another thing that interests me is some form of team sport, maybe hockey.  It’s been nice to be open to ideas and seeing what sticks.

    I’m lucky to have been able to take this time, as lots of other people haven’t been given the opportunity.  Though if fortune wishes to favour me with a lottery or premium bond win I’ll not be complaining! At the same time, I’ve actually been enjoying using data again when starting to undertake tasks as part of interview processes.  So I guess I can’t disguise my inner geek!

    I’ve had a few knocks so far, but am learning as I go.  I know that I have good experience behind me, so need to wait to find the right role for me.  I’ve already worried a fair bit about not hearing back from companies, or as quickly as I might like and can easily start to panic that I won’t get a job, but I know that I will.  I suppose it’s a natural anxiety and fear of the unknown.  I know I’m a hard worker, and a nice person who gets on with people and genuinely cares about them.  I’ve also got a wide range of skills to bring to a company.

    I’ve learnt that I can make friends wherever I go.  I need to keep myself calm and realise that starting somewhere new will be a learning curve, and will be tiring etc., but that no one is going to expect me to be up and running at 100% on day 1.

    I’ve spent a lot of my life worrying, and as Mark Twain says ‘most of it never happens’.  However, this seems to be something that I do naturally.  I used to think that it would stop bad things from happening, and worrying probably does make you think things through and be more prepared, but unfortunately it’s not going to stop bad things from occurring.  Checking your school backpack multiple times, or even my case or backpack for this holiday, isn’t going to make the things you’ve packed disappear! If you forget something, you can buy it! People will still die, get injured, ill etc.  If you think about what is going on in the world now: someone is taking their last breath, someone their first, someone might be falling in love, or getting married, whilst another discovers someone has had an affair, or that they need to divorce.  So many different things are happening to people all the time.

    I’ve read a couple of articles lately (I think on LinkedIn) that refer to looking for a job as being similar to dating.  I am wondering if I’m not that proficient in either.  I certainly shy away from the dating side of things! However, feedback on my interview skills has been positive, so perhaps I should investigate dating in 2018! I feel that I need to sort the job situation out first – but you never know what life is going to throw at you!

    Having time has meant I’ve been able to read widely: be it books or relevant articles as well as join interesting seminars and I’ve undertaken online courses.  Another thing I’ve re-learnt about me, is that I love to learn! So I then wonder if I’d enjoy being a researcher or even an archivist.  I remember reading an article on a BA flight in their in-house magazine about Iron Mountain.  A quick Google search brings up an article for you if you are interested.  Basically there are loads of priceless artefacts in there which amazes me! Recently President Trump has released some of the JFK files.  I remember watching a film, probably the Kevin Costner one, and feeling inspired to go to the States and find out the truth.  Of course, I’ve not done that, but it would be fascinating to uncover something in those papers.  I suppose I can relate this to using data to find something out to help a business too.

    The winter nights are drawing in, I’m sure I have SAD but have never been diagnosed.  So I think it’s time to relax and watching some telly before my yoga class.

    Enjoy today.

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