1. Day 238: Progress comes full circle

    I’ve been on my last holiday of the year now (poor me – having been ‘technically’ on holiday since 1 April I hear you say!), so it’s time to switch to the ‘job search’ proper.  This might be a slow process as everyone else’s thoughts turn to the Christmas period.  I am lucky that I’m not in a rush and can take my time, however having made the decision to go back to work I’ve now put myself under pressure, which is silly.  To date, I’ve applied for things that interest me, but I might need to take a ‘step’ back and think about what it is that I want out of work.  In some ways, I’ve come full circle to the time that I left my previous job.

    Tonight I’m going to see Steps perform, and their reforming and my rewatching of their videos on YouTube (such as their newer song ‘Scared of the Dark‘) whilst clearing out clothes from winter to spring/summer when I first left work, has come full circle and yesterday I was changing my clothes back to winter again, whilst listening to their cheerful tunes.  Their music has really helped me throughout the year.  I’ve also found that I want to tidy up again, which is probably because I need to tidy out my mind.  I wonder if I’m avoiding thinking about what I should be doing next.

    I found a useful article yesterday by Kathy Caprino (link) with questions to help focus your mind on what you do want to do.  I asked friends what stood out for them about me when I was younger as a starting point.

    Whilst I was away, I undertook a phone interview and spent some time fretting about the outcome of that and then what the future might hold.  This is, of course, contrary to anything that I’ve learnt in Headspace, but it’s hard to change a lifetime of worrying.  It’s a continual process.

    On my return to freezing Britain, I spent a lot of time preparing for a presentation, and then a face-to-face interview following the phone interview.  So I had two interviews last week, and in a week prior to going away did three interviews back-to-back.  I think I nearly cracked to be honest.  Positives are that I’m getting interviews, and also I’m getting positive feedback on my experience etc., so hopefully the right thing will come along at the right time (can you tell I’ve worked in Marketing a lot!).  What I’ve noticed, however, is that there seems to be a cycle of emotions related to interviewing, within the wider cycle of emotions associated with change.

    In one of my friendship groups, we have all been interviewing for different things and are all in different situations, but we all seem to be going through the same thoughts:

    • Preparing and the anxiety and trepidation of trying to second-guess what you might be asked, and how it will go.
    • The actual day, nerves kick in and then you get to the company and are ‘on’ and you do the best you can (NB it appears to have a positive impact on weight loss as a plus!).  I think  you can be over-prepared as well as under-prepared, so it’s about finding a balance. As I’m not working, I can devote a lot of time to preparing, but then it can also take over so balance is definitely key.
    • Then it’s the aftermath of the event and you find yourself thinking ‘why did I say this’ or ‘why didn’t I say that’.  I think that’s normal.  Though I’d like not to wake in the middle of the night thinking about it over and over again.  When I was working, I’d feel guilty about contemplating changing roles and if I went to interviews, I’d not like to be deceitful – that’s how I viewed it.  However, now I feel in limbo, I’m free to apply wherever I like, but I don’t have the backstop of my current job, so reframing the mindset is important.
    • Then you wait.  You start to visualise what it would be like working at the place, should you get the role.  You try to second-guess the outcome.  Sometimes you hear back quickly, sometimes you don’t.  You wonder whether not hearing is because they are still considering you, or that they’ve ruled you out.
    • So far I’ve not had an offer of employment, but when I do I need to make sure that it’s going to be right for me.  You don’t want to rush in as work takes up such a lot of your life.  You are never going to be totally sure, and won’t truly know until you start somewhere, but you have to trust your gut instinct.  Also, you can make the best of any situation in life and nothing (in this respect) is permanent.  You can change most things in life.

    Dealing with rejection can be tough, as you think ‘if I’d said that’ would the outcome have been different.  However, so far, I’ve mainly agreed with the outcomes.  I don’t enjoy change and putting myself ‘out there’ much, but I knew that I wanted to change and take the time out.  Now I’ve made myself anxious about things, and need to take that step back to get my mind totally in gear for it all.  I’ve done lots of things in the business world, so I will take some time to think and sort myself out this week.  I also need to allocate time to writing: both this blog and the children’s book that I’ve been working on.  I need to prioritise and plan my time efficiently.

    For balance, I am also going to restart one of Davina McCall’s fitness DVDs which is a 30-day plan, and I also bought a 30 day happiness project challenge in John Lewis, so want to start both of those this week.

    In the meantime, it’s almost time for Steps!

    Enjoy today.


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